This Strange and Magnetic Force

"Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.  Make me hear joy and gladness, That the bones You have broken may rejoice.  Hide Your face from my sins, And blot out all my iniquities.  Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me.  Do not cast me away from Your presence, And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.  Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.  Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, And sinners shall be converted to You."  Psalm 51: 7-13

India.  The pull that these beautiful people and this country have on me is absolutely ridiculous.  Sometimes, I can't even focus on my school work because I am just thinking about when God is going to let me go there.  I mean, how hard is it to know where you are called and just feel the need to love these people without knowing when?  I know I'm going, I just didn't know when.  And I still don't know when I will go to actually stay and live there.  But I know that God is placing my feet on Indian soil this summer.  For two weeks, I am going to be blessed with the opportunity to love the people who absolutely have my heart.  And I have never been more excited in my life.

As I am sitting here typing this through tears, I am amazed at how God wants me to be a part of His global mission.  I am absolutely not capable.  I am a mere 19 year old American girl.  I am inherently sinful.  Selfish.  Unworthy.  A screw up.  But God loves me.  He wants me.  He has asked me to have a part in handing out His-oh-so-great invitation!  To love those who need it the most deeply.  Those who need Him the most.  And all that I can do is surrender.  To throw up my hands and say, "My life is not my own.  Take it.  Use it.  All of it.  I am Yours."